Laughs a Million

The Savage Hawkman, Vol. 2: Wanted - Rob Liefeld, Mark Poulton, Joe Bennett

Bullet Review:

That was absolutely hilarious!! So bad, it's AWESOME!! I almost want to give 5 stars for the sheer entertainment value.

Full Review:

Savage Hawkman is not a character I am remotely interested in, nor is it one I would ever follow after reading this. To be perfectly honest, I'm not quite sure why this character ever became a superhero - in the pages of this trade, about the only saving he does is of his hide and his Damsel in Distress (who occasionally holds a gun to prove that she's an Independent Career Woman). I'm not quite certain what his superpowers are, what makes him unique, other than he has a big set of wings and the infamous Nth Metal.

Regardless, this was the MOST FUN I've had in a long time. I don't think I've laughed so hard in ages - everything about this is completely ridiculous, from plot and characters to the art.

Rob Liefeld scripts (or plots) the first half of this trade, which is, in my opinion, the best half. He also does some of the covers, which are epic in their fail.

His story is that Carter Hall is Katar Hol, a Thanagarian from the planet Thanagar, the adopted brother of Crazy Winged Ex-Girlfriend and her Crazy Winged Brother. He starts out as a simple archaeologist - well, if you consider Indiana Jones or Robert Langdon "simple". Dude is crazy paranoid - he keeps "nests" of crap all over the city in the event of attack.

In Dan Brown fashion, he gets attacked because he knows Something Important, and he and his set of boobs, Emma, get sucked into numerous battles with silly guys dressed in goofy costumes. Of course, I can't rag too hard on St. Bastion and Pike for looking silly, because our hero looks RIDICULOUS.

Noteworthy Notes:

1) Nearly his entire torso is exposed. I feel surprised making this complaint, as it typically seems to be directed at female superheroes and their boob armor, but Hawkman is basically ASKING for a shot to the ribs (SPOILER: It happens at least TWICE in the comics).

2) His legs are only concealed up to mid-thigh; while he is wearing green pants, they don't appear to be armor.

3) His arms suffer a similar problem.

4) I'm pretty sure his helmet is heavy and has no peripheral vision.

On and on the story goes. Each issue is basically:

+ The Nth Metal is SO METAL!
+ Carter finds some piece of evidence somehow to lead him to the next action set.
+ One of the metal's "suitors" (Hawkman Translator: peeps who wanna piece of that Nth Metal) attacks, kidnaps or apprehends Emma
+ Hawkman goes on a rampage; Emma pulls a weapon out of her boobs to prove she isn't completely useless.
+ The baddies leave, to fight again another day.

All the while Carter monologues ENDLESSLY. It's so bad, the other characters comment on it. (Which makes this even MOAR AWESOME!)

The comic goes from hilariously bad to just bad in the second half. Rob Liefeld got sick of DC editor intrusion and left; Tom DeFalco takes over the last few issues. And those are just WTF and boring. One is some shadow woman who attacks Hawkman but leaves (I swear, none of these bad guys are ever dealt with, either by dying or being thrown in prison). One involves a completely DIFFERENT and contradictory origin story. And the last is the WEIRDEST STORY EVAH about an Alzheimer's patient going Hulk (minus green).

The art is AMAZING in its awfulness. I can't think of many men with THIS kind of a build:

And that wasn't even a Liefeld Special!

Pretty sure that last one is the bird who pooped on my car.

Best Parts of the Trade:

1) Emma, off panel, steals a gun from Pike's ship, stores it IN HER CLEAVAGE, and whips it out to distract the baddies.

2) The trade BARELY passes the Bechdel test; Emma and Sheyera have a conversation that lasts one panel.

3) There are three women in the cast: Emma, Sheyera, and Shadow Woman.

4) Green Arrow appears (one of the better issues, IMO - I just felt bad he got suckered into teaming up with Hawkman!).

5) There are some AMAZING cheestastic 80's action lines; unfortunately, I don't have any quotes, but here's one from a villain that made me die of laughter in a coffee shop:

"I'll take you all down." -Hawkman
"Why can't you stay dead?" - Pike(?)

I'm serious when I say I haven't been so entertained in a LONG time. This was a bad trade, but not Katana bad. There is a plot; there is some funny dialogue; there are some consistent characters and art.

Does that mean I recommend? Sure...if you want to laugh your butt off!

To Hawkman Fans: I am truly sorry you got such a goofy comic. I hope that one day your favorite character gets a decent comic.